I'm Sorry that I Couldn't ( A Letter of Confession)

 Dear April,

          It’s me Kevin who was nobody until I met you. There are only two women in my life I ever cared for, Mom and you. I’m pretty sure that you even know me. You and I were used to study in the same class. You were amazing and beautiful girl I ever met. As time goes, I started falling in love with you. I wish could say that to you at that moment when I first met you but I couldn’t, because I couldn't find a word.

          Do you remember when we first met, I know that you don’t know. It was the last prom of our high school, you accidentally crashed into me and started saying sorry. Then you ran off. I promised to myself that I will always remember that day because it was a one of the most beautiful memory I had with you. After that, I gathered all my strength and came to talk to you. When I did, you were within his arms.  And I just ran off. I won’t say it was my first heart break, because it broke already once when my mom died. But it hurts more than the previous one.

          I joined in the same college where you joined. You know, I loved myself when I’m around you. There were only two person know that I’m in love with you, Dad and me. But he couldn’t make it long he passed away in an accident a month ago. He was one who always gives hopes to my broken heart. You know I miss him a lot.

        I have many things that reminds me of you. Some of them were chocolate covers which you thrown off, you hair bands, a pencil with you bite mark, your picture from social media and even a petals of the roses which you wear everyday. 

       It was your 20^th birthday and I came to your home to express my love with a handful of flowers. But what I saw was you were there on the bed with him. I wish I could be one who you were with. I wish I could be the one who warms you. I wish I could be the one who were on your lips. And I left those flowers on your door step. I wish could control my tears but I couldn’t.

          How could I say that he wasn’t perfect for you. And how could I say that he was cheating on you. I wish I could but I didn’t.

          I know that he left you when you lost your eyes in an accident. He knew that you were pregnant but still he didn’t turn back. He left you in the middle of somewhere. The funniest part was that you never knew that he left you. Because I was the one who lived with you in the name of him. I wish I could say to that I was not him and I was I. I wish I could but I didn’t, because you were happy.

          It was like a standing in a middle of hell fire when you call me in the name of him. But your smile always gives me hope.

          Do you remember, our first date that I couldn’t forget, because you kissed me on that day. I left like I was in a dream but everything changed in a moment when you called me by his name. I promised me one thing that whatever happens I never leave you alone like he did.

          April, though I lived with you, I’m still an invisible man like the older days. One day, I promised my father that I never break my promise in all cost.

          I promise to you that I will take a good care of your our child. I promise you that our secret will always be a secret. And I want you to know that I love you. I’m sorry that I couldn’t say it in the first place. Though I’m invisible to you but you weren’t to me. Rest in peace my love.

LOVE, KEVIN

J